Staying too long in a toxic relationship. (Stop collecting the evidence!)
Now that I’m sharing my story about my toxic relationship with a covert narcissist this year, one of the trends that I’m hearing from the women I’m speaking to is that they have stayed (or they are staying) too long in the toxic relationship.
Using myself as an example: I had the first red flags in the first few conversations with my ex (these conversations were online because he is in NYC).
There were small signs at first. He said he had a car – he didn’t. He said he lived somewhere he didn’t. I made excuses in my mind; perhaps, for some reason, he thinks I expect him to have a car, or to live in a certain place. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but really it was just the thin end of the wedge.
Then there was the withholding the truth about his relationship status; I had no clue that he had a girlfriend AND a wife when we began getting involved (he said he’d been separated for 10 years; yet but he couldn’t be open about being in a relationship with me). He quickly assured me that he broke up with his girlfriend (though I now wonder if he ever really did), and that would start divorce proceedings if him being separated was a problem (which he then found reasons to delay).
I know… I know…
This was all in his ‘love bombing’ phase and I wanted to believe him. I’m not used to being around liars so there was part of me that didn’t recognise what was going on. ‘Love bombing’ is a practice common with narcissists and is, in fact, part of a cycle of abuse. I was oblivious to all of this at the time.
I think lying and deceit has become such a normal way of living for him. When you live a certain way for so long it DOES become the norm.
Don’t ignore the subtle forms of abuse & manipulation in relationships.
🚩 Giving false hope
🚩 Telling lies
🚩 Making & breaking promises
Don’t turn a blind eye. These are red flags & shouldn’t be ignored.
THEN there was his anger and his tendency towards thinking that violence was an acceptable way to deal with situations (he was never physically violent with me), which didn’t align with the spiritual man he made himself out to be at the beginning (he has an esoteric shop, and has a lot of knowledge in that field, so that went towards the spiritual image he was creating – he later went onto mock my beliefs)
And yet, part of me couldn’t believe that someone could be so deceitful and manipulative and so I kept on collecting evidence….
You may have experience similar lies, deceit and love-bombing. Experiences like these all adds up to psychological abuse and through that you can become trauma bonded to the person (think Stockholm Syndrome).
Bit by bit, before you know it, you’ve lowered your standards and you’ve allowed your boundaries to be broken. All in the name of ‘love’.
So my question to you today is if you are in a toxic relationship (or friendship)…
How much evidence do you need?
Are you not trusting your higher self who is likely yelling at you to remove yourself and protect yourself?
Don’t become an evidence collector, become a new life creator.
When you are in a toxic relationship, things don’t feel right.
There can be so much cognitive dissonance between who you are, your morals and beliefs and the evidence that you have in front of you with the person you are in a relationship with.
All this will trigger feelings of discomfort. But you may find that your mind is searching and searching for ways to make it feel right rather than you actually GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THERE.
The longer you stay, the more pain and hurt you are leaving yourself open to.
Trust me, you have enough evidence already. It’s time to say ‘Goodbye’ and free yourself because this IS a beautiful life, where you have peace of mind, on the other side of all of this.
If you want my help then I offer consultation and coaching that can help you https://karenstrunks.com/privatecoaching/
Starting on the 1st October I’m hosting a new course on HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS. Early bird offer on now.
What you will learn on this course
⚈ How to get clear on the vision for your life that you actually want and deserve
⚈ How to realise and own your true, innate personal power and act from a place of empowerment
⚈ How to see through all the bullsh!t that has been served up to you
⚈ How to make strong, decisive and confident decisions and take determined action
⚈ How to tune in and become aligned to your true path in life
⚈ How to let go of the toxic energy and release it so that it is no longer yours
⚈ How to set, maintain and honour your boundaries
⚈ How to fine tune your radar so that you become quick to recognise the warning signs & signals of toxic masculinity
⚈ How to work with spirit and call in energetic support and guidance
⚈ How to create a future you are in love with and excited about because there IS a beautiful future waiting for you on the other side of toxic masculinity.
Early bird offer is available now.
Here’s to saying NO MORE, to RECOVERY and to BREAKING FREE.