I’ve been thinking about the subject of forgiveness quite a lot this year and I’m not sure it’s the right path for everyone.
I used to be of the sole opinion that it is THE right, and ONLY, course of action, but now I think differently.
Some offences can breach your right to live a happy, healthy, truthful, open, free and fulfilled life that they are just unforgivable.
Some acts of abuse may not be forgivable for some people.
Some people may feel that there is something ‘wrong’ with them if they cannot forgive the offender. I do not want forgiveness to be seen as a must-have step in order for a victim of a wrong-doing to be free and heal and live a beautiful life. A happy life is available for those that decide not to forgive.
However, self-forgiveness IS important and I’ve made a video about that here you can watch https://youtu.be/hvQqerQ_KWU
It could be that forgiveness is a fluid thing; just as you fall in and out of love with someone, you traverse in and out of forgiveness.
It could be that the other party is unrepentant.
Perhaps you have certain requirements that need to be met by the offender before you can forgive them; such as understanding what they have done wrong, admitting their wrong-doings and apologising with compassion and sincerity.
Perhaps you don’t need anything from the offender.
You may feel the need to find justice. That’s natural and it is your right.
Do you report them to the police?
Do you privately sue him or her?
Do you tell the people in their life what they have done?
Do you speak publicly about your experience as a way of helping others and also as a warning to others about the individual?
You may feel the need to DO something, so do it. You have options.
You certainly must forgive yourself, and certainly you must grieve and heal and recover, but what if, instead of forgiving the perpetrator, you just let go…
You let go of the emotional ties and the heaviness of it all.
You draw a line under the experience.
You even set a date and a time where you decide that now you have grieved and forgiven yourself, you move on fully and look to the rest of your life.
You have a right to live a happy and fulfilled life.
You have the right to move on.
You have the right to create whatever you want in your future.
Choosing not to forgive doesn’t mean, as is a popular belief, that you are carrying around ‘hate’ or ‘anger’ towards the culprit. In fact, you can feel perfectly calm and assured in your decision.
This is YOUR journey and your experience. YOU get to decide who is deserving of your forgiveness and you get to feel OK about your decision either way.
Believe more is possible,
PS If you would like my support in working things out and processing your experience and what you want it to mean for you, then do feel free to reach out and book a session with me.